My Service Dog has greatly eased my symptoms, but she did NOT cure my disability!

Saxon is amazing and everything I could want or need in a service dog. I have had her for just over a year. She came home on October 14th, 2014. Many of the things I could not fathom doing due to my psychiatric conditions and symptoms I have since been able to not only do, but succeed at.

Since Saxon's arrival I have been able to:
-Start doing paid speaking engagements on topics surrounding mental health and mental illness.
-I learned how to drive and now have a driver's license.
-Feel comfortable to stand on a line to purchase something without dropping it and leaving.
-Go somewhere on my own without a chaperone.
-Start making my own doctor appointments.
-Organize my own medications for the week.
-Order for myself at a restaurant.

In the 13 months I've had her, she has flipped my life around completely, all for the better. The all consuming anxiety I felt during every moment of every day has drastically lessened. Most days I feel little, and sometimes even no anxiety at all. My fight or flight outbursts related to my severe inability to process sensory input, particularly when being touched by a stranger, have diminished to completely manageable and usually unnoticeable levels. I have been hospitalized for psychiatric reasons only twice in the year I've had her, which is a measurable drop from years previous.

I owe every bit of symptom lessening and overall psychiatric relief either directly (through tasks) or indirectly to Saxon. She wakes me up daily by standing over me and poking me in the face with her nose. As we go downstairs she runs roo-rooing happily through the house, announcing that she has met the morning. I take my medicine and walk her. I come inside and give her something to eat and try to drink a protein shake or eat a yogurt. I have two other dogs, but she needs exercise and work in ways they don't and never will. We play ball, tug, we're working on her catching a disc. (ALMOST!) We train: tricks, tasks, and practical skills that will aid us while we are working together in public. We go about our day and Saxon makes it go quickly, easily and smoothly.

Our nights are much the same, I feed and walk her and my other two dogs, I take my medication and we head upstairs. She may get a bully stick or other chewable treat if she's lucky, otherwise she goes off to settle somewhere in the room. Her favorite spots are the extra large squishy dog bed by the end of my bed, the bathroom floor or the foot of my bed. She makes nights easier because she's good company, and it's easier to sleep because I know she's there if I need her. Sometimes I just need comforting cuddles and I call her and she crawls on her belly from the foot of the bed right up next to me. She will lay her head on my chest and I will stroke her repeatedly from head to tail until we fall asleep.

Although she knows a number of tasks to help with symptoms associated with my psychiatric disabilities, she rarely has to perform them. For the most part my symptoms have abated to the point that I no longer need them. She is ready and able and her tasks are there if I do, but as of the past while (6-8 months) I have not. It is a wonderful feeling of freedom to walk out of the house and not worry about what may happen. It is wonderful to not wake up and my first thought be based in fear. It is wonderful that my dog has allowed me the capability to feel like I can BREATHE.

I'm ok with wanting to shout from the rooftops, "BECAUSE I HAVE MY SERVICE DOG I DON'T FEEL LIKE I NEED ONE!" At one point my psychiatric conditions were at the forefront, but like many others, I have multifaceted issues and co-occurring conditions. Although she cannot brace, Saxon is plenty big enough to press handicap buttons or doors on days my hands hurt, do momentum pulling, counterbalance, retrieve items I ask for, turn on and off lights, and she can even go get me my phone. My physical disability is currently more pressing, but my psych issues going on the back burner have not erased their existence.

As nice as it would be, Saxon has not permanently changed anything. She has helped me develop more coping skills, some independent of her that may be useful, but in her absence I am who I was prior to having her as my service dog. Without her I would surely slip back into struggling far more with my psychiatric conditions. She is a lifetime medication, not a quick fix antibiotic. I will be able to be my best and do my best if I have her as my service dog, and likely have another service dog after her, and maybe a successor to Saxon's successor and so on. I don't know.

My life today is wonderful as things with my psych conditions go. They are well managed by medication, therapy, sleep hygiene and exercise, and of course my service dog. They all go hand in hand, and after over a decade of struggling with serious, debilitating mental illness, dozens of acute psychiatric hospitalizations and three years collectively in my teens in locked psychiatric inpatient facilities, I'm happy to feel whatever relief I can get. I never know how long a period of stability will last and I know better than to guess, but I will work my service dog because although in this moment my psychiatric conditions are at peace, they will never go away. My ebb and flow struggle will be a lifelong journey as I deal with the constantly evolving symptoms caused by my persistent psychiatric disability.

No, today I do not feel disabled by my conditions. Yesterday, and the day before that too, I did not feel disabled by my conditions. May I wake up tomorrow and be admitted to an inpatient psych unit by the end of the night? I hope not, but it wouldn't be the first time... or the fifth either. The reality is, while dormant, I don't know when my psychiatric disability will rear its ugly head, or the violence and force with which it will do so. Until then, I have my stability, I have my routine, I have my pills, and the one who keeps it all going, I have Saxon. She's not a cure, but she's the best medicine for me!